Reflections: Ending My Breastfeeding Journey with Winnie

This was originally shared on Instagram in March, but wanted to re-share it here, too.

I took this photo several weeks ago, knowing that one of these times nursing would be one of the last times. Not sure when exactly and not having a set “stop date”, but having this sense we’d be wrapping up soon. You never really know or feel the depth of something being the last time until it’s already passed. But now I know: my 15 month chapter of nursing Winnie has come to an end. And it’s bittersweet, but also I’m very okay about it because I know she was ready and I was ready too.

Something that took place every hour, morning and night, evolved into a predictable routine. Something that started as a calm and serene experience where her sweet eyes would drift to sleep during or afterwards evolved into “mama milk!” in between her climbing and crawling everywhere. During a scary and unpredictable year of grief and trauma, breastfeeding Winnie was a reminder of stability and comfort and peace. For both of us. During such an overwhelming year full of unknowns, having the moments of stillness and togetherness with Winnie was such a gift. While the heaviness of the world spun around us, time stood still.

I shared this blurb from a poem after wrapping up my breastfeeding journey with Lucy a couple of years ago, and wanted to share again:

“The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time. Until there are no more times. And even then, it will take you a while to realize. So while you are living in these times, remember there are only so many of them and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them. For one last time.”

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