Thoughts on Postpartum Experience During a Pandemic

Thoughts on Postpartum Experience During a Pandemic

I found this photo on E’s phone recently; I didn’t know he snapped it the day Winnie was born on February 13, 2020. It brings tears to my eyes whenever I see it because it feels like this version of me is so far away. It’s hard to believe this was in 2020. So much has changed in nine months. I couldn’t have imagined that weeks later, siblings wouldn’t come to the hospital to meet their new baby brother or sister, like Lucy did. I couldn’t have imagined that some women would labor with masks; some would have the traumatic experience of having a baby without their partner present. […]

i’m proud of the mom

i’m proud of the mom

I’m proud of the mom who, in a postpartum haze, booked herself a counseling appointment. who loaded up the car with an overstuffed diaper bag and a one-month-old baby and walked into the session to get help. I’m proud of the mom who trusted her instincts. who didn’t follow one way of “doing things” but did what felt right for her and her family. who accepted who she was and who she wasn’t — that she isn’t a “make your own baby food” kinda mom and that’s perfectly okay. I’m proud of the mom who started grad school with a three month old baby. who did […]

motherhood + contradictions

motherhood + contradictions

motherhood, for me, is full of contradictions. I never knew how many conflicting thoughts and feelings I would have. I feel pulled in different directions emotionally, mentally, and often physically almost every day. 🤍 like desperately craving space and time alone, but then wishing I was holding and playing with them when they‘re asleep or we’re apart. wanting my girls to be more independent but feeling sad when they don’t need me in the same way. wishing I was free of responsibility and could stay up late and sleep in, but feeling content and honored by the responsibility of being a mother. wanting to do […]