on emotional ditches

hi friends, i was digging through my wordpress drafts and discovered this blog post i wrote on july 22, 2013. i never shared it because i was too scared or too nervous or too confused about what state my life was actually in. re-reading it to myself over six months later almost brought me to tears. while i definitely don’t feel this way all the time and it certainly has been happening less and less lately, i sometimes still struggle with feeling insecure and down. it was an important reminder for me to shift back to truth; to thankfulness, to love, to constantly and even desperately seek light in life. thanks for reading! i’m so glad this blog is a place i can share the happy and sometimes not-so-happy moments of my life {even when it’s half a year later…!}

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confession time: i absolutely hate admitting to having a bad day. i’m really bad at it. i hate making my problems and insecurities other peoples’ problems and prefer to enjoy my day as usual and then go into my room and soak up the bad day-ness. one lesson i’m learning as i’m getting older is how supported and loved i am by so many people – people who want to hear about my bad days and the things that stress me out and scare me and make me cry. i’m so very thankful for those people so thank you if you are one of them!

i know this blog is where i share daily doses of inspiration, encouragement and most of all, positivity and thankfulness, but can i share with you guys where i’ve been lately? i hope that’s okay. i’ve caught myself lately not so much having big bad terrible days, but just hours and minutes that are full of fear and negativity. it’s been far too easy to fall down the slippery slope of insecurity, doubt and self-hate. here’s what i mean by this slippery slope: one thing happens or bums me out {even things that aren’t a big deal} and my mind spirals and asks questions and shifts from positive and thankful to negative and ashamed. my mind will process what happened and then the negative self-talk comes in: “well this probably happened because [of past mistakes i’ve made, i need to lose fifteen pounds, i’m not a good enough friend, no one likes me for who i am, the list of ridiculousness things goes on and on…]. one thing happens and i turn it into 35 things. i’m ready to reverse directions and shift back to thankfulness, optimism and self-love.

one of the people i’m so thankful for is my mom and i’ve been repeating her advice over and over: you can’t progress and move forward on your life path if you’re wallowing in the {emotional} ditch. 

my life was created to be moving forward, not sitting and stalling in an unhealthy ditch full of self-pity and shame. my inner dialogue is usually upbeat, loving and thankful and on those not-so-fabulous days when it dives into an emotional ditch, i’m learning to address it head-on. i would never say things to people that i love that i say to myself and every day i have to set the ‘refresh’ button on what my mind focuses on.

this week, i’m not curling up into a ball and feeling bad for myself. i’m appreciating and spending time with people who love me for me. i’m pulling up my big-girl panties {i really hate that word…} and tackling the day and whatever comes with it with grace, ease and love. i’m remembering that only i have the power to walk myself out of the emotional ditch and seek light.