san francisco reflections: one year later

I had a few days last week where I felt a little off and kind of sad and realized…it’s been just about one year since we left San Francisco. So weird. Moving was one of the hardest decisions we’ve made, both individually and as a couple/family.  There’s been a lot of really good things that have come out of our move to Nashville, but it’s also been a lot of hard stuff to process through. 💛 Change can be really challenging and painful, but also really good and rewarding, all at the same time.

We made the decision to move to Nashville in July 2018, spent a weekend house hunting in August, and signed paperwork and officially became homeowners on our last night in San Francisco early September. I’ll never forget that night. The notary came over so we could sign paperwork; Eric, Aimee and I were eating sushi and drinking wine on our mattress on the floor, since our apartment was almost fully packed up. We had a pre-planned trip to Europe, so we traveled for three weeks, flew to LA to pick up Jack, and then flew to Nashville (it was early October at this point) to move. It was such a whirlwind experience and there were LOTS of moments where I felt anxious, overwhelmed, sad, and lost. I remember crying while walking around cobblestone streets in Gent, Belgium, about 1.5 weeks after we moved. I felt so lost – where was home? what was home? what did we just do? I tried to give myself permission to grieve what we lost, and hold space for the opportunities and possibilities ahead. Sometimes, like this past week, I need to give myself the same permission to grieve the past – even though it’s been about a year since we moved.

Since moving, I’ve been back to SF three times (soon to be four – we are going next week!) and it’s always really bittersweet to be back. I  love the city so much, but I’ve been able to separate myself a bit and recognize that where we are in Nashville is the current right place for our family, for right now. Change can provide a lot of perspective, and can grow, stretch, and evolve you as a person –  and I’m grateful for that experience over the past year.  There are so many good things about living in San Francisco, but there were also reasons we chose to leave – and I’m glad we ended up leaving when we still loved the city, rather than getting to a point of being SO OVER IT.

I desperately miss living close to my best friends, even though several of them left the city before we did and a few good friends have since left. I miss the energy and quirkiness of the city. I miss friends stuffing into our tiny apartment for dinner parties and to watch YouTube videos. I miss my daily walks to Alamo Square park, spontaneous coffee dates, good asian food, breathtaking views of the city that were just “normal” to seen a regular basis. And I miss being close to the mountains, wine country, and the ocean. Sometimes I just desperately miss life ‘the way it used to be’,  even though I also love and am deeply grateful for where life is right now, too. Change and time and nostalgia can be so, so, so weird and I think it’s okay and perfectly normal to miss the past, but also be content in the present, too.

I shared this in my farewell, SF blog post last fall, but San Francisco was:

  • where I started my career
  • where I cultivated my deepest and best friendships
  • where I met “my person” (here’s a blog post about our engagement 💍)
  • where I became a mother (here’s a blog post about adopting Jack and Lucy’s birth story)
  • where I became an adult and grew into who I am today

What a gift that so many wonderful, life-changing things happened to me in that place. ✨ I moved to SF as a pretty clueless, happy-go-lucky 22-year-old and left a few months shy of my 30th birthday with friends that have turned into family, a husband, a dog, a daughter, incredible professional experience, and millions of amazing memories. My 7.5 years in San Francisco is a life experience that will always, always, always be part of my story and I’m forever grateful for that.

Just because I miss San Francisco, especially lately, doesn’t mean I’m not content, happy, and thriving here in Nashville. We love our house and our backyard (and our greenhouse!). 🏠We love our neighborhood and the East Nashville community. We’ve found some amazing restaurants and coffee shops that make leaving the amazing cuisine in SF a little easier. 😅We have met some really great friends who have made the transition to a new city a whole lot better. 💛We love having four seasons (although hot + humid summers are not my thing!) I’m grateful our second baby will be born here! 👶🏼We love that we’ve had so many friends and family visit us in the last year – and that we’ve been able to host them in our home. Change can lead to wonderful, beautiful things too, if you are open to what comes next.

Thanks for reading my rambles! xx

Read last year’s blog post: farewell, san francisco and personal reflections

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